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Don't know what to expect

July 9th, 2009 at 07:55 am

This is not financial related...sort of.

I had to go give DH gas last night since he didn't have enough to make it home. I told him only to get enough to get home, as I don't have money to give him for gas. I can't continue to do that. He is paying to go to work...his gas is costing him more than he is making!

Anyway, this morning, he packed up some clothes and said that he would be back either tomorrow night or Saturday morning. I said ok. Then as he was reaching down to kiss me, he said that gives you more time to play your game. I was half asleep and I said what game? He immediately stood up w/o kissing me and stormed out of the house, slamming the bedroom door and the back door. WTF??? He sent me a text message that says "I hope it was worth it". I don't know what that means. The only thing I can figure is that I didn't give him gas money. But we have talked about this. He is making less than he is spending getting there. I can't continue to give him gas money.

Rewind to about a year ago. I came home and he had moved out. No clue. No warning. Just taken all of his stuff and was gone. I had done something the night before that he thought was taking advantage of him. But He doesn't talk to me. So I don't know if I will come home tonight or tomorrow to a semi-empty house or not. I just don't know what to expect.

But I know I can't continue. I need help. Not just financially.

7 Responses to “Don't know what to expect”

  1. dmontngrey Says:

    I don't have any advice, just sorry to hear what you're going through. It's tough to figure things out if you can't talk to each other. Frown

  2. Petunia Says:

    This type of response happens frequently when we set boundaries with loved ones. . . don't ask me how I know. In the end, you know it's unhealthy for both of you to enable poor choices. . . but it's easy to continue to do it when the loved one gives this kind of response. Hang in there.

  3. north georgia gal Says:

    I know I am ranting, but I want to write this down so I have a record of what is happening.

    DH just sent me a text that he found a paddle boat. Like nothing happened this morning.

    "i found a paddle boat"

    "are you talking to me now?"(he didn't answer any of my texts this morning)

    "I just thought you might be excited, but as usual you don't care what happens. So forget I said anything"

    "You left in a huff this morning, sent me that text(which I still don't know what that means) and expect me to get excited about a paddle boat?"

    He hasn't answered yet. I just don't know what is going on with him and he won't tell me! Does that mean that I don't care that he doesn't have gas to come home? That I just accepted the fact that he was going to have to stay there tonight? He made it there somehow without any gas money from me.

  4. whitestripe Says:

    its possible that even though the job is not worth it money-wise, by pointing that out to him all the time he may feel less like a 'man' (or whatever). i guess you just have to tread carefully until you're on the same page. oh and im not saying you aren't being nice about, i completely agree that it's silly for him to work this job - but just as us women seem to have weird flipouts about things, men do too. just not as often and not as noticably Big Grin best wishes, i hope everything sorts itself out. sorry you have to go through this.

  5. Broken Arrow Says:

    Eeeeh, I don't know what's going on, but I am very certain his stress level is through the through right now. Like, in the red, toxic level.

    And what's made it worse is that he won't talk to you about it.

    Please, please press the issue. But softly and gently. He's stressed out enough as it is.

    I don't know what financial situation you two are in, but if you're having enough trouble keeping gas in the car, a paddle boat seem rather inappropriate right about now.

    Anyway, please take care. Again, please press, but gently. Coax him into talking, even if nothing is resolved. At least it will relieve some of that stress by talking about it.

  6. milehighgal Says:

    I agree on the being supportive part. You have to be kind and compassionate, realize he is stressed, probably insecure because he can't provide, etc. Communication is important I agree, but at the right time, he's acting out right now and you have to let him calm down, otherwise it's not going to be productive.

    Having said that after things calm down you need to have a talk and "set your boundaries". Tell him calmly that this behavior hurts you and that you will not tolerate it, and ask him how he thinks you guys can make things better.He has to be willing to play his part and be a partner.

    You husband sounds a whole lot like my first fiance, and thank goodness we parted ways, worked out much better that way. But he acted out in almost identical ways, mostly because he was pretty insecure, although you wouldn't know it from how macho he tried to act to cover that fact up.

    Good luck to you, and I hope I'm not being too forward.

  7. north georgia gal Says:

    Thank you guys for all your comments and for letting me vent. I know he feels insecure. and I have tried to be supportive. I haven't said a word about him not being able to contribute financially. But when I have to start giving him money to get there, I start to feel resentful! Sometimes I get the feeling that he expects me to take care of all of his needs. I just can't do that. I am barely making it on my salary, let alone adding another persons expenses with no additional income! Plus the not talking...that is very frustrating! I did find out that he thinks I lied to him...that is what started this(or so he says). He thinks I am messing around(very insecure)and that I am lying about a game he found in the closet!(not a kinky game, but an intimacy game). Not sure what tomorrow will bring. Will have to wait and see.

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