It finally happened. DH has had a financial meltdown. He has two cars that he hasn't been able to make payments on in months. (he has made very poor financial decisions in the past and this is the worst of it!) They called this morning and said that they have turned it over to the sheriff's office because he has been hiding them from repossession. Neither one of them run and one has been sitting in our driveway since last summer! The other is at his mom's house. But to say that he has been hiding them is crazy! He has told them to come get them! Stay tuned for further details.
He told me this morning that I am acting like I don't love him. I think it is because I won't/can't bail him out of his financial mess. He won't give me specifics. He said that he has asked me several times to help him file for bankruptcy, but I haven't. I remember us talking about it, but that was it. Plus I have tried to help him with stuff in the past and he doesn't do what I tell him needs to be done. He is sticking his head in the sand and hoping that things go away! It doesn't work that way! I don't know how to support him...I try to tell him what he needs to do, but it is up to him to do it!
Yes we are married, but I am not putting my(or my kids) financial future on the line by taking out loans or anything, not that i would qualify for them anyway! If he truly loved me,, he would understand that. There are so many things he could do but he doesn't. He is spending more getting back and forth from work than his making. he says it beats sitting at home. I have suggested things to him, but he will do what he wants to do.
Anyway, I am venting. I am at my wits end. He is giving up. He said that maybe spending some time in jail would be good...let the taxes he has paid support him for a while. This goes against everything I believe in. I wasn't raised this way. I love my husband, but I just don't know how much longer I can stick in there! Other than our financial issues, we are a perfect match!
DH's Financial Meltdown
June 5th, 2009 at 03:24 pm
June 5th, 2009 at 03:36 pm 1244216178
You've got some good advice for him. I only hope he listens before it's too late and it busts up your relationship!
June 5th, 2009 at 03:41 pm 1244216495
June 5th, 2009 at 03:57 pm 1244217454
Best wishes!
June 5th, 2009 at 03:58 pm 1244217489
June 5th, 2009 at 04:01 pm 1244217716
June 5th, 2009 at 04:12 pm 1244218337
June 5th, 2009 at 04:17 pm 1244218631
June 5th, 2009 at 04:21 pm 1244218887
If his financial ship is in danger of sinking, there is absolutely no point in putting a big hole in the bottom of your ship just to satisfy him ! What about the kids????
Tour husband is in the wrong on several fronts as far as I can see:
He bought the cars - Not you.
I presume their not necessities since they're not even running.
He's trying to guilt-trip you in jumping into the fire with him even though it will be futile.
Is he not thinking of the best interests of his family as a whole as opposed to his own little corner ?
Wow... he really is something... maybe the stress is just bringing out a bad side to him - as you say otherwise you are a perfect match..
Best of Luck ! And keep strong on protecting your own and your kids financial future...:-)
June 5th, 2009 at 04:46 pm 1244220412
All I can say is that some people need a gentle nunge and others need to be hit with a frying pan.
June 5th, 2009 at 05:52 pm 1244224364
Of course I loved her, as I'm sure you love you your husband. But at the same time, for the spouse to ask us to perform the financial equivalent of jumping off a bridge with no safety whatsoever as a way to prove our emotional commitment is just plain crazy!
Suffice to say, girl, I'm with you here. Just hang in there and keep on protecting your family the best you can. While I am a firm believer of treating relationships as a team effort, sometimes, individuals also need to change for the better, if nothing else, for their own salvation. He needs to change, or else he might risk losing things that are even more important than two defunct cars in his life.
June 5th, 2009 at 06:31 pm 1244226716
June 5th, 2009 at 07:43 pm 1244230988
Who knows, maybe this car incident will finally do it. I do recommend to keep encouraging him towards your path of financial responsibility. Perhaps offering some help towards that end (but not bankruptcy) would be great. He's probably going to be a little sensitive and sore in light of all this, so he needs to know that you are still his best friend and confidant, even if you will not help him destroy himself. And that, if he ever wanted to try things your way, you'll be more than happy to help.
But these things are always easier said than done eh? I know. I've been there, done that... and failed. But I hope that you can avoid that. I wish you the best.
June 5th, 2009 at 10:29 pm 1244240956
June 6th, 2009 at 02:06 pm 1244297169
June 6th, 2009 at 02:45 pm 1244299554
June 7th, 2009 at 03:38 am 1244345916
June 7th, 2009 at 01:59 pm 1244383195
June 7th, 2009 at 11:38 pm 1244417904
DF's dad is like this. He spends way more than he earns. He is in debt, but keeps getting his mortgage extended to 'keep his business going'. He thinks he is entitled and deserving to enjoy his life (which includes gambling, meals out, new cars and hundreds a month on alternative natural therapies). The money he gets to 'keep his business going' he spends on those things, but when you tell him, he says 'no, that was for the business', and he sticks his head in the sand about it. DF's dad, like your DH, is nearing rock bottom. You can only guide him to a better path, but you cannot make him do what he does not want to do. Otherwise he will resent you, even if the outcome is better than bankruptcy or jail, and he will not learn. He will do it all again when he has the chance, unless he has a completely terrible experience to draw on, to think back on and go 'i don't ever want to be there again.
You must remind him that bankruptcy has huge issues for his future financial dealings. And that jail will be on his record forever. And then tell him, that he has the ability to get himself out of the mess, but that HE has to do it, because he put himself there.
June 13th, 2009 at 12:25 am 1244852752
June 24th, 2009 at 06:51 am 1245826303