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My husband thinks I am loaded!

January 26th, 2009 at 04:05 pm

Those of you who have been following my blogs know that I "divorced" my husbands finances. We keep them completely seperate. He gives me money toward the household expenses, but the house and all utilities remain in my name. But I have been noticing a trend lately. When he runs out of money, he assumes that I have some!

He gave me $227 last week and paid a dr bill for my son. I had told him that I needed $300. It worked about about the same. But he tells me as he is giving me the check that he will need gas money this week. I just let it go. Then he called me today and said that he needed to get some gas money in order to go out to his brothers and help him return some equipment(that they both benefitted from). I told him that I was running short this week and was going to running on fumes this week. He said that he might have to go pawn something. My immediate reaction was "well, I could probably spot you $30 or $40". Why didn't I just say ok??? How is it my problem that he can't budget? When I say I need $300, I mean $300. I don't mean $300 and then I need to give you gas money!!! To me, that comes out of the $300. Granted, he has given me alot of money the last couple of weeks. And granted he didn't work much last week because of the weather and my dr appointment. But we are behind and trying to get caught up. Then it will level out.

I have done well seperating our finances. I used to try to pay all of his stuff and that just caused me to be near a nervous breakdown. So my enabling this week is just a minor setback.

I am trying to live different...which means not spending every last dollar! Which means planning! And truth be told, I haven't really "ran on fumes" in a couple of months. But he just isn't to that point yet.

7 Responses to “My husband thinks I am loaded!”

  1. whitestripe Says:

    interesting! i admit i have read a bit of your blog but must have missed the important stuff! i am going to go and read all about your divorced finances! stick to your guns, is what i say!

  2. Petunia Says:

    It can be really hard to set boundaries with our husbands. We always want to believe the best of them, even if their behavior says otherwise.

  3. North Georgia Gal Says:

    Okay...owe husband an apology. The check he gave me was for $277, not $227.(the bank caught it and credited the right amount!) That is $50 more than I thought which means that he ended up giving me more than the $300 I asked for this week. Glad I didn't lose it with him!

  4. gamecock43 Says:

    My husband does the same thing!! LOL. He hands me $150 and asks me to write out a check for $400 that he can send to a friend for vitamins and supplements. "Where is the other $250?" I ask. "I'll pay you back after my next paycheck." OR it's "I just bought groceries! They were $200..so technically I owe you $150 because you owe me half for groceries." (When he knows he pays for groceries because I pay the monthly bills...)

  5. PRICEPLUS Says:

    Divorcing finances is something I have done long ago after much pain with my spendthrift wife. It can be a strain sometimes!WinkSmile

  6. North Georgia Gal Says:

    Priceplus...any advice on how to successfully keep our finances seperate but our marriage together???

  7. PRICEPLUS Says:

    You have to be honest and open about it. Some painful stuff comes out during these conversations. It is work but it is worth it in the end. The idea should be a team working together. One has the left and the other the right as it were.

    We agreed, my wife and I, as to how the bills would be split and paid. I said I would not cover her CC Bills anymore. (She has since been very good with them).

    It is hard work but it worth it. Just remember to keep the lines of communication open. It is easy to get angry but don't. You have to be calm and rational about your finances.

    In some marriages one partner runs the financial show and pays all the bills and the other gets an allowance from the pooled resources. The problem is that some see it as a power and control issue.

    My wife and I still struggle with our finances and yes we still have blowups about it. We are honest though and are committed to working things out.

    In the end I guess the best advice is to remain calm and be open and thoroughly honest about how you feel about the finances. Just my .02 cents!WinkSmile

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