Those of you who have been following my blogs know that I "divorced" my husbands finances. We keep them completely seperate. He gives me money toward the household expenses, but the house and all utilities remain in my name. But I have been noticing a trend lately. When he runs out of money, he assumes that I have some!
He gave me $227 last week and paid a dr bill for my son. I had told him that I needed $300. It worked about about the same. But he tells me as he is giving me the check that he will need gas money this week. I just let it go. Then he called me today and said that he needed to get some gas money in order to go out to his brothers and help him return some equipment(that they both benefitted from). I told him that I was running short this week and was going to running on fumes this week. He said that he might have to go pawn something. My immediate reaction was "well, I could probably spot you $30 or $40". Why didn't I just say ok??? How is it my problem that he can't budget? When I say I need $300, I mean $300. I don't mean $300 and then I need to give you gas money!!! To me, that comes out of the $300. Granted, he has given me alot of money the last couple of weeks. And granted he didn't work much last week because of the weather and my dr appointment. But we are behind and trying to get caught up. Then it will level out.
I have done well seperating our finances. I used to try to pay all of his stuff and that just caused me to be near a nervous breakdown. So my enabling this week is just a minor setback.
I am trying to live different...which means not spending every last dollar! Which means planning! And truth be told, I haven't really "ran on fumes" in a couple of months. But he just isn't to that point yet.
My husband thinks I am loaded!
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We agreed, my wife and I, as to how the bills would be split and paid. I said I would not cover her CC Bills anymore. (She has since been very good with them).
It is hard work but it worth it. Just remember to keep the lines of communication open. It is easy to get angry but don't. You have to be calm and rational about your finances.
In some marriages one partner runs the financial show and pays all the bills and the other gets an allowance from the pooled resources. The problem is that some see it as a power and control issue.
My wife and I still struggle with our finances and yes we still have blowups about it. We are honest though and are committed to working things out.
In the end I guess the best advice is to remain calm and be open and thoroughly honest about how you feel about the finances. Just my .02 cents!