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Feeling like a Failure

November 17th, 2013 at 03:41 pm

I am feeling pretty sorry for myself today. I took a look at my sidebar and realized that out of the 5 goals I had for 2013, only one of them happened. And that involved spending money, not saving it. I just don't feel like I am in a good place financially. My car is a 2002 model with over 200k miles on it. It probably won't last another 2 years and I don't know how I will replace it.

I made a very stupid financial decision about 2 years ago and took out a loan against the title of said car. Well, over the last two years I have taken out more money and well...that loan is up to about 4k. At the time I didn't feel there was any other option. But if that option wasn't there I would have found another way I am sure. So know I am paying the price. I have vowed to not take any more out of it until it is paid off, about 18 more months. And if I get a tax return I am going to put that toward it. This is part of the reason I can't afford another car...can't do another payment.

My child support ends in two years and I don't know how I will survive without it. I know expenses are supposed to go down with the end of child support, but I don't see that happening. I just can't cut my kids off totally. It took DS until he now(age 20) to become self sufficient.

Sorry for the pity party. Just not feeling good about the decisions I have made and the choices that have gotten me where I am. I feel like I am making smart financial choices now but it is too little too late.

9 Responses to “Feeling like a Failure”

  1. momcents Says:


    I don't think that it is really too late. I think that in order to move forward one has to take a stark inventory of everything (good/bad/ugly) and then go from there. I think it is good that you're realizing that you have an end-date to child support and a reasonable amount of time to plan for it (2 years). I also don't know if you are doing any favors to yourself in the long-run by thinking that you can't cut your kids off (and I am not implying that you would), but I think at twenty your son is old enough to understand that he might be making things more difficult for you in the long-run and he would want to move toward independence (I, of course, don't know any of the particulars, so please dismiss if not relevant Smile ) I think that if it takes longer to realize financially prudent ways, it takes longer to make up for the tardiness, but I do think there is truth to the old adage "better late than never".

  2. Petunia 100 Says:

    I also don't think it is too late. You absolutely can improve your present situation.

    If we want to go someplace, we have to start from where we are. So, where are you? Smile I know you have a written budget, but I don't recall ever seeing it. Does your budget include all of your expenses? Is your budget realistic? Does your budget include a line item for each goal?

    If you shared your written budget, I am certain you would get a lot of suggestions. If you don't want to share it, that's OK too. Just make certain it includes everything you need/want it to include.

  3. Maranatha Says:

    NG I have been where you are now. I too was a single mother but with three kids, one of which did not receive a dime of child support. I supplemented my income with eBay by selling shoes and clothing. It was hard work but worth it. When my kids were teens they worked and helped pay household bills. I know it feels hopeless but it isn't there is always a way. And we all make choices that aren't always the right choice.

  4. Looking Forward Says:

    ((HUGS))
    You gotta just keep plugging on and make the best choices you can from here on.
    Lot of tough choices. Can you take public transport at all to work? (If the car craps out on you.)

  5. Xtreme Thunder Says:

    I'm with momcents on this, and I hope you don't take any offence to suggesting your children pitch in with say paying you rent. I realize every situation is different, but when I was 20 actually when I was 18 and still living at home, my mom and dad asked for $75/ mo. to cover some "room and board", as well to subsidize the cost of having my vehicle on their auto policy. I was going to community college full time, and worked a part time job at about 28-35 hours a week. I also had my own pay-as-you go phone (virgin mobile), okay, they paid for the actual phone, but I had to pay for the minuets. No minutes, no phone useage, in addition, I paid for all car repairs and gas. Once I got out of college, rent went up to $150/ mo., mainly because I opted out from household chores and had close to 40/ hrs a week. After I got full time employment, rent went up to $200/ mo., and once I purchased a new car, away went the cheap on-my-parents-auto-policy and rent went to $250/ mo. As much as I grumbled all the time, she always said if I can find a better deal, go for it! Let's just say that didn't happen. By the time I was 24, I did move out. To this day I tell my younger brother, who is 25 at home and "complaining" about his $250/ mo. rent to stay home as long as possible! Haha! I joke all the time that DW and I are moving home for that deal! In the end, it made me a better person, and I thank her for doing it, I have so much pride for what DW and I have. It was also an ongoing joke that if something was broke, light bulb, door handle, "I pay rent, that's the landlords responsibility"!! Haha! She also did very similar with my oldest brother. I say you don't have to boot them to the curb, but to definitely ask for some "living at home subsidies", they are old enough to realize what's going on. Best of luck!

  6. North Georgia Gal Says:

    Thank you guys for the suggestions. When DS lived at home he did contribute. Right now he is living on his own with minimal assistance from me. He pays me for his car insurance each month as well as his car payment. That is what I meant by it took him until age 20 to be self sufficient. I pay for his cell phone because I want him to have it for emergencies. But other than that, he pays for all of his own expenses.

    DD doesn't have a job right now. I told her not to look until after my surgery in December because I will really need her help. But when she gets a job she is expected to pay for her own gas and insurance.

  7. rob62521 Says:

    We all have times when things overwhelm us. But, I agree...I think you can still help yourself by not giving up and planning. There is not shame to admitting you need help. Look for ways to make more money and cut expenses. Don't beat yourself up over an unwise decision. We have all made them.

  8. My English Castle Says:

    It's hard, isn't it? But I agree with everybody here. We've all done some dumb things. You just need to go forward. I know the Dave Ramsey plan works for lots of people, and it might be worth taking a look at it. Wishing you the best!

  9. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    The only place you can start from is where you are. You see what mistakes you have made, and now can use that information to move forward. Like others said, it is never too late.

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