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Feeling pretty Worthless

October 5th, 2012 at 04:18 pm

I am having a pitiful me day. I broke down and asked my mom to help me get the mortgage caught up. I told her that I would pay her $50 a payday to get it paid back but she told me to put that money toward DD insurance. I just feel like a total failure that I can't take care of myself and have to rely on my retired mom whose income was cut in half when my dad died. Don't get me wrong I am grateful for everything she does for me. I just wish that I was able to contribute to my own well being more.

It seems that every year around this time is when I hit rock bottom. Not sure what it is about fall...maybe I have just scraped by barely keeping my head above water and the fall is when it catches up with me.

24 Responses to “Feeling pretty Worthless”

  1. PauletteGoddard Says:

    There there. You are not alone and this will pass. Can people in Georgia be affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder? Be thankful you have a good mom, and look for ways to help her nonfinancially, or pass along the help to someone who needs it: you may feel closer to your worthy self.

  2. pjmama Says:

    There is nothing shameful or disgraceful about needing help. Ignoring the problem and letting things pile up would be problematic, but if you're doing what you have to do to make ends meet, then you should feel good about your decisions. We're all at this site because we need some amount of support-- emotional, financial, or otherwise. It's difficult to feel good about yourself when you feel like you're treading water. Just set some small goals and do your best to keep up your self esteem... and remember, the only thing you can control is your actions, behavior, and outlook on life.

    Wish you the best!

  3. Wino Says:

    Speaking as a father with adult children, I think I can state that your mom does not mind. If she could not help, she would tell you so.

  4. Nika Says:

    Is there any way for you to get extra income? Can you get more hours?

    Perhaps seasonal gig with UPS (I've heard they pay well and have temporary after hours shifts during holiday season). If you build up a cash cushion in a month or two, it may reduce your stress greatly.

  5. North Georgia Gal Says:

    Nika: I have tried to get a second job. I live in a pretty small town but put my applicstion in at everywhere I could think of. I didn't get one call. UPS doesn't have a local presence so that really isn't an option.

  6. Nika Says:

    Any possibility of working further away in a bigger town or city?

    DH has a 90 mile a day commute -- about 2.5 hours a day driving due to traffic on the way back to NYC (luckily he is allowed to work 6 days a month from home) and I have about an hour each way by train. It is pretty normal for NYC. But I know it would not be even considered by people who live in small towns. But if the money is good enough, might be worth it.

    It is the best compromise we could find between decent paying jobs and a decent location.

  7. LuckyRobin Says:

    Parents want to help their children. We would be in so much trouble financially if my parents hadn't stepped in and given us a loan when we were drowning in medical debt. I am still paying off that loan today, but when we first took it out I didn't know how we ever would. I was just so grateful that they would do that for me. Are you getting income from the rental yet? Or have your son's roommates not moved in yet?

  8. snafu Says:

    I understand that it takes a huge amount of willpower and determination to get through two months of a new, bare bones budget so it's ok to have an occasional pity party. May I suggest it's time to brush off those negative and remember how blessed you are to be so loved and nurtured by your mom who wants to help you down the path towards financial success. We're all here to remind you to stick with the plan, cook something you like during the weekend to enjoy during the week & keep you out of restaurants with their high fat high salt high cost offerings. Every take-out takes money from your mom who loves you dearly.

    Would it help to look at where you've been? No more nasty phone calls, no more threats to disconnect utilities and frights.

  9. ceejay74 Says:

    NGa, I am so sorry you're feeling that way. NO one is worthless, especially not someone who works as hard as you do.

    My dad gifted me $100 per month for about two years to help me pay my student loans when I first got out on my own. He loaned me $12,000 to purchase my home and buy furniture, and it took me years to pay it all back -- there were entire year-long stretches when I couldn't afford to give ANY back. He still occasionally pays for me to come visit or go to family reunions -- airfare, car rental, hotel.

    Thinking about my girls (who are just babies right now), I wouldn't let them just freeload as adults and not even try to get independent of me. But if they were honestly trying, and struggling, I'd do anything in my power to make sure they didn't suffer.

    Plus, I've seen on your blog how much you give in time and effort to your sister, your kids, your mom. You're NOT a selfish person, and your mom knows that.

    Now take a deep breath, and forgive yourself, not only for the things you should be able to control, but for the things you have no way of controlling (payscale in your area, lack of part-time opportunities).

    Then, try to think of a free or nearly free way to reward yourself for trying so damn hard. Long hot bubble bath? Movie & popcorn on the couch in your PJs? Drive to your favorite scenic area? You definitely deserve it!

  10. PNW Mom Says:

    Awww...don't be so hard on yourself! You have done so awesome and work so hard! Keep up the good work! If you want to repay your mom, just be there for her, and help as much as you can...sometimes that is more than enough than the actual money. It won't be like this forever...sending you a big hug.

  11. creditcardfree Says:

    ((Hugs)) You are not worthless just because you ask for help. You really are making big strides. Keep up the great work. And I second those free reward ideas!

  12. North Georgia Gal Says:

    Thank you all for your kind words. It really means alot to me to have the support that I get on this site!

  13. baselle Says:

    I'm sorry you are feeling this way. A good night's sleep would help, and to remember the gift of karma. For example, say, 40 years ago just possibly your mother might have needed the help of her mother ... she could be paying gifts she received forward to you.

  14. rob62521 Says:

    Hang in there! We all have times when we feel like we are worthless, but we are not. We all need help at one point or another. And I'm sure your mom is pleased she can help. As other posters have said, you can do things for your mom that don't mean money...helping her with things, cooking a meal, spending time with her. Keep your chin up!

  15. My English Castle Says:

    Chin up! I think you've made real progress on eating out, watching your spending etc. Baby steps will pay off.

  16. Looking Forward Says:

    I second everyone above. ((HUGS))

  17. Rena Fitz Says:

    Hope today is a better day!

  18. Jerry Says:

    You are working hard, and it seems to me that your mom has an idea about the things that matter most (i.e. insurance for your DD) and is willing to help her family. That is a blessing. This too shall pass, remember that, and when you are in a better situation I am sure that you will remember this time and it will lead you to pay it forward. Hang in there!
    Jerry

  19. Financial Tips Says:

    There is nothing wrong with your situation. So stop feeling bad and invest in yourself to learn about the financial matters. Work hard but more importantly work smarter to improve your current situation. I wish you all the best.

  20. NJDebbie Says:

    I'm not sure how I missed this post and I'm really sorry I did not post sooner. I second everything this great group of bloggers have said. Hang in there and don't beat yourself up aboutn needing help. We've all been there; it shall pass. ((HUGS))

  21. SicilyYoder Says:

    Please don't be ashamed. I have been there. I used to go on book tours and use my bill money to buy the books; sometimes people would show up to purchase the books, but sometimes I would only sell enough for gasoline to and from the book events. To this day, my mother is still skeptical of my being an author, although I assure her that my Kindle and Nook books don't require any upfront money. Move forward and it will pass.

  22. crazyliblady Says:

    Have you ever considered selling the house you rent out?

  23. b4s Says:

  24. Bob B. Says:

    We also get a tremendous amount of help from family. And, as others have stated, when our children are adults, as long as they are trying, and making effort, I'm sure we will help out to the extent that we are able. Family is a blessing. Not everyone has it.

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