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May 28th, 2009 at 06:59 am

I have said before that my husband thinks I have money somewhere. Well, this morning, he is breaking into his money jar to get money for gas. He then comes back to the bedroom and says

DH: "unlike you,, when I say I am broke, I am broke. I don't have a card that I can still use to buy things."

Me: "if I don't have money in the bank to cover the card, than I can't use it"/

DH: "You and (son) have been using the card like crazy this week".

URGGHHHH!!! Yes, son used the card twice, but each time, I transferred the money from his checking account to mine. He was waiting for his own debit card to arrive. And yes, I may have bought a few things last night at the GROCERY STORE, but come the first, I will be even shorter!(no pun intended since I am only 4'7" tall! LOL). I hate having to find money for my own spending, much less for someone elses!

It just irks me that he expects me to give him money! He works...granted last weeks check was a day short, but he still made money and to be completely broke by Wednesday? I think he needs better money management skills...I am not just going to hand money over to him! Plus his brother(read leech) rides with him to work everyday and I doubt that leech is giving him any money! So why should I?

Please understand...if he wasn't working and being a house husband, I have no trouble supporting him. But when he is working and can't manage his money, I feel like I would be doing him no favors by handing over money to him(if I even had it!)

URGGGG....so I am frustrated this morning. I sent DH a text telling him that son used card and I transferred money and since he has started working, I haven't given him any money. Haven't heard back for DH yet. Don't expect that I will. He is supposed to camp close to work this evening, so he won't be home. I plan on taking daughter to a movie...sure that will go over well with him! I told daughter last weekend that I would take her tonight. Oh well.

ADDITION: Last night I made him dinner...nothing great, just some hamburger helper. I knew he probably hadn't eaten all day. But I didn't eat. I don't eat hamburger and I really wasn't hungry. He kept asking me what I ate today. I didn't eat out yesterday. But he kept asking me, like I was lying to him! I ate a frozen meal that I have in the freezer at work and a bagel that I have in the fridge at work! But he was so sure that I had spent money, but yet I won't give him any! Double URGGGGG!!!!

14 Responses to “URGGGGG!!!!!”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    Why not show him your transactions in your check register or online bank account? Then he might believe where your money is going. It might teach him something, too.

    I'd skip the movie unless your daughter is paying since it sounds like you don't have the money for that luxury.

  2. north georgia gal Says:

    The money for the movie is coming out of the money for her spending on vacation next week. She is going with a friend to Panama City and i have set aside some money for her, so in a way, she is paying.

  3. Broken Arrow Says:

    Interesting. Yeah, sadly, he's not on the same page as you. Kind of dangerous, this.

    On a more fundamental level, although I personally believe in separate financing as a viable option, I also admit there is a potential downside, and that downside is basically what you are describing: That there it could lead to lack of transparency. And that could lead to mistrust....

    Sadly, the best way to correct this is to show him exactly what your transactions are.

    Still, I sympathize with your frustration, and I hope things get better.

  4. Ima saver Says:

    I don't understand why you don't co mingle your funds?

  5. north georgia gal Says:

    Ima...when we first married, I thought we would mingle our funds. But when his financial distrust of people became more and more obivious, I just decided that it was best if we kept things completely seperate. He tends to not take care of his financial obligations(or has no money management skills) so everything has remained seperate.

  6. NJDebbie Says:

    I agree with Broken Arrow that your financial situation could lead to mistrust, but given your money history with your hubby, I would keep them as they are now. Good luck and take care of yourself.

  7. merch Says:

    I think he feels that he is getting the short end of the stick and I think these is due to a lack of transparency in the budget. If you both did the budget together or you reviewed it with him it might ease up on the tension.

    Just a thought.

  8. boomeyers Says:

    I feel for you. If he does'nt want to see what is really going on in the budget and blame you, there is nothing you can do. Why beat a dead horse? Just keep pluggin along.

  9. north georgia gal Says:

    Merch...my frustration is compounded by the fact that I have asked him to sit down with me and go over the expenses and he never does! When I mention that the power bill was over/under budget, it is like he doesn't care. All of the financial decisions concerning the household are my decisions.. I feel like I have zero support from him on the decision making process. I told him a couple of months ago that I would help him however possible to come up with a budget...but the first step was to keep receipts for every purchase he made for a week...no matter how small. He never did that. I can't help someone who says they want help, but really doesn't.

    Boomeyers...I don't know that he blames me so much as he expects me to bail him out...to give him money for gas when he runs out, with no accounting necessary.

  10. Ima saver Says:

    You are in a rough spot and I am so sorry about that.

  11. north georgia gal Says:

    Thank you guys for being supportive. I have calmed down now and think that maybe I am being too rough. Perhaps he does feel like he is getting the short end of the stick(as merch said). I just don't know how to get him to realize that his lack of budgeting is affecting me...I simply don't have any room in my budget for more expenses. I could have probably offered him gas money this morning, but letting him know that I had to have it back by Monday. But instead I let him figure it out on his own, which is probably why he is feeling resentful, probably like Idon't care. But I do, just don't know how to get him to realize his responsibility in why he is broke!

  12. creditcardfree Says:

    You last comment would be a good conversation to have. Tell him next time you see him exactly how you felt this morning. You would like to be more supportive, but his lack of accountability makes it difficult. Let's see where that leads!

  13. broken arrow Says:

    NGG, what I've seen other people do is that they would print out, in large letter, the entire monthly budget, and put it up on the refrigerator. That way, there's no way your hubby could miss it (unless he somehow doesn't use the refrigerator, which then you can post it up somewhere else).

    That way, he can look at it when he feels like it, and ignore it when it doesn't. But he can't really say you're trying to hide something, since at least you're trying to make it easier for him to understand your budget....

  14. creditcardfree Says:

    That's a good suggestion BA. You could also post in on the bathroom mirror or the wall across from the toilet!

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